Odds, Ends & Stray Musings: Advice About Conflict In Marriage

 

In a way that may seem counterintuitive, a thriving marriage is not a marriage without contention. A thriving marriage is a marriage with productive contention, promoting mutual growth and development. You’re both very different, with varying backgrounds and a unique set of experiences. Expect contention, but use it as a vehicle of good intentions to work towards improving yourself and each other.

Good advice I’ve learned along the way is that when beloveds are in conflict, they are wise to try to focus on the most intrinsic parts of the dispute, and not get sidelined by personal charges and accusatory tones. There are often extrinsic causes driving the disputes, and their provenance ought to be identified, but in the immediacy of the quarrel, couples are wise to stay on track of the intrinsic part of the dispute, and try to address it on its merits and demerits.

In other words, if your dispute is about how often the hoovering should be done, or whether as a couple you’re spending enough time with your in-laws - be sure to assess the arguments on their strengths and weaknesses, not on whether one of you is generally too untidy or too anti-social.